Let me start by saying…I’m a Sagittarius. Meaning I crave adventure, mystery, theological understanding and freedom. However, lately I’ve been struggling. Lately I have felt loss not only by way of bereavement, but also loss of self.
2019 was a challenging year and I have been made aware that this was not only the case for myself, but also those around me. I won’t go into the spiritual events that occurred last year but I will say, they have had a massive impact. I have felt myself feeling more restricted both physically and mentally, more negative and low in mood which is not a reflection of my true self. Now do not get me wrong there have been very positive events that have occurred lately also, but they seem to be overshadowed in my mind by many quite sad or negative events.
I want to use this new year and new opportunity to create the atmosphere which will permeate both physically and mentally what brings me to a greater feeling of contentment and gratitude that I believe I have been lacking. Like many of us, I have been through a great deal in the last decade, both challenges and successes which have been subconciously shaping the person I am and the enviornments I find myself drawn to. But recently I have noticed I no longer find solace in them anymore and I am constantly searching for the next thing. The next thing to make me feel exhilarated, to feel happy and at peace, yet I don’t seem to be succeeding. I am beginning to realise that this is because I am trying to find distractions to the issues that I need to address head on. Instead of searching for true contentment and happiness, I am searching for things and places to distract me.
We have begun a new year, a new decade and in truth I believe wherever you look there is a pressure being placed on us all to be the best versions of ourselves and create the life you dream of, and while all of these are good in theory, we should all aim for this, it can also create an overwhelming sense of inadequacy. Especially, when you may not be completely clear about what the version of you or the life really looks like.
So, instead of distracting myself, or placing unnecessary pressure on myself, I am choosing to take each day as it comes. Not to plan too far in advance. To be more spontaneous and create an environment that allows me to stop and reflect, to delve into my true nature and find out what truly makes me feel happy and content. Less time running around and more time caring for myself.
So…what has this last year or decade brought up for you? Are you clear about what you want or where you want to be? If not, don’t worry, neither am I.
zahzahkyky 